Likely FAO Schwarz, New York City, 1960s.
“I want more presence,” I hear many clients say.
But what is presence exactly? It’s hard to define. But you know it when you see it, don't you?
A person who's present is:
Here. Now. With the audience.
One way to be present is to have good eye contact and not—for example—be looking off to the side, like this Santa. I think I have more presence than Santa. Don't you agree? Here's the backstory to my inherited presence.
It all goes back to my Irish grandfather
Clair Campbell Killen, my Irish-Scottish grandfather, had “Presence.” How do I know this even though I never met him? Because in researching my family history, I interviewed several old-timers who knew him before he died—too young—in his early 40s.
“He was a guy who could talk to anybody—from the president right down to the panhandler," one of his comrades told me. "He showed them equal respect."
Yup. That’s one aspect of presence: To show up as your full, unadulterated self—with everyone. You're fully present and awake to each person you meet no matter if they’re a prince or a pauper.
What do you see when you see someone with presence?
In my 40 (!) years of performing and coaching speakers, I’ve both practiced presence and helped people develop it. This is what I know: Presence is partially a state of mind. AND it’s also how you show up physically in the world. I invite you to use these tips to practice your presence. And don't miss my P.S. with a link to a poem that could be the key to helping you find your present state of mind.
Do this to PRESENT with more PRESENCE:
Here’s a graphic by Melinda Beck to help you remember!
Sharpen your message so it sticks right into the heart of the matter. No pussyfooting around. Say it straight.
Rehearse aloud so that you hear the power of your words in the air around you in a rehearsal. If you wait until you're on stage, your strength may unnerve you.
Breathe deep everyday for the rest of your life. If you only breathe deep before you walk on a stage, it may feel weird because you’re not used to it. Make "belly breathing" a daily practice so it becomes second nature.
Stand tall which you can practice in your yoga class while doing mountain pose and in your rehearsal. Not stiff. Stand as if there’s a string holding you up upon the firmness of the ground.
Take the stage with your “host energy” focused on your audience as if they’re your favorite people and you can’t wait to share your message that goes right to the heart of the matter.
Be. There. With. Them.
Then, write to me and tell me what you learned about presence.
To help you remember these tips, enjoy these graphics by illustrator and designer Melinda Beck.
One way to be present is to have good eye contact and not—for example—be looking off to the side, like this Santa. I think I have more presence than Santa. Don't you agree? Here's the backstory to my inherited presence.
More support for your present state of mind
I'll admit this is a little woo-woo (hey, I live in Oregon, so what do you expect?) but you can LOVE yourself into more presence. What?! Read on.
“Love After Love” is the title of the poem by Derek Walcott that made me cry when I read it. I thought "I should save this for Valentine's Day." But I couldn't keep it to myself that long.
You know what will help your presence?
It's to be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, "Oh, there I am. And I'm enough." And many days, that's hard to do. So hard, in fact, that you never even think of doing it! To help you get a little closer to that softening toward yourself, read this poem. It changed me and I hope, if it's what you need, it'll be medicine for you too.